CHAPTER 13: The Legacy of Ms Kitty Kitty Continues: Battling Presidential Election Absurdity

Please forgive me! I have not written a chapter on the exploits of Ms. Kitty for a stretch. I have been on sabbatical, but trust me, she has not. She has been active and effective in politics all along, taking full advantage of the lunacy now rampant involving a multitude of charlatans opting to be our next president.

You will recall that Ms Kitty is the cat that got elected to Congress by default–and by errors in our modern computerized election process. Reverend Al “Shakedown” Sharpton is forever ranting about black voter suppression by the Republicans. (Of course, Rev Al has made a hefty living howling about blacks as “victims.”) Well, I live in a Republican district, and if my black cat can get herself on the ballot by errantly playing with my keyboard, and then be elected by popular vote, there just may be too much equality, not enough suppression.

It’s a long and strange story. Do you know that someone quite renowned, a national NBC media celebrity who I will not name here due to his recent problems altering his importance in certain world news events, referred to my cat as “Class in a Black Fur Coat!” upon seeing her sitting on the VIP platform–in close proximity to Hillary and Bill Clinton–for President Obama’s inauguration ceremony in 2009.You may need to refresh your memory concerning the incredible story of the political career of Ms. Kitty. With a small effort you can find and read the first twelve chapters of her astounding rise to political prominence.

 

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Oh, there’s so much to tell, so much has transpired in Washington, D. C. since we last communicated. But, I cannot do it in one chapter. Maybe it’s best to renew the story at the present time and not try to detail the last couple of years. It will be easier on me and you readers. Perhaps I will pick up on bits and pieces in subsequent chapters?

Currently, Ms Kitty is active in monitoring the races for the 2016 presidential election. Ain’t that a mess? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry… well, more like every Bernie, Chris, Donald, Jeb, Hillary, Marco, Rand, Ted–you get the point. It seems everyone who is anyone–and most who are not–has thrown their political derbies into the ring. Running for president has become politically in vogue, something fashionable to do every four years if you become bored with Washington. Or just plain bored with life as I see it, and want to be a pain in the derriere of your political enemies, or the rest of us. Otherwise, how do you explain the political theatrics of such unknowns as Lawrence Lessig, or the inconsequential popularity of Bobby Jindal–and, to be fair, about fifteen others on the presidential list of want-to-be’s.

I count at least eighteen on the rolls as of now; at least fifteen of those have a snowball’s chance in you-know-where of even getting on the ballot. Who’s next to declare? I recently saw a once-familiar face on MSNBC who looked “hungry” to get back into politics after retiring as Massachusetts’ long-time gay representative–the inimitable Barney Frank. In an article he wrote for Politico Magazine last July, Barney refused to endorse Bernie, not because he substantially disagreed with Bernie’s being a Socialist, but due to his unflagging support for Hillary and believing Bernie’s intrusion into the Democrat’s desire for Hillary to sew up the nomination early on without distraction from any interlopers vying for the spot on the ticket come 2016. Besides, Hillary is a staunch supporter of gay rights and especially gay marriage–positions right down Ol Barney’s alley. Barney looks “old” now, sporting a grey beard and all.

This is where “The Cat from California” comes in–well, her staff primarily. They have submitted legislation to Congress limiting this nonsense–the “Why You Damned Well Should Not Run” bill. It is a comprehensive solution designed to curtail the runaway abuse of our presidential election process. (Remember back then when Al Sharpton declared? Fat chance! As if he could get close to enough votes to be elected–and as if he was even remotely qualified to serve IF elected.) If passed, this bill prevents anyone declaring themselves a candidate unless they meet certain criteria. Here is a discussion of several of the provisions:

First off, you cannot be under investigation and/or inquiry by our government for past misdeeds or the transgression of good-faith practices while in any elected office you may have held or any federal appointment you may have served in no matter how minor the imprudence–including what may have been infractions of rules of which you should have been aware. For instance, if you knew it to be wrong about such obvious indiscretions as using your private server sequestered in your home as a conduit to conduct government business. Likewise, using poor judgment beyond the norms of politics, which are quite lenient. Take note, Hillary. No free passes allowed. You cannot go to Congress to discuss the Benghazi attack resulting in four Americans killed, and voice objections to the line of questioning by asking your panel, “What difference, at this point, does it make?” You see, Hillary, the difference it makes is that you were economical with the truth about it.

Whoops! There goes Hillary–disappearing as fast as all those missing emails! What’s she going to do with those thirty-two pants suits now? Goodwill? AMVETS? The Smithsonian? They surely have a place somewhere if only at The World’s Ugliest Garments Museum. Perhaps the best part is that we won’t have to see her waltz out onstage wearing one of them, hideous colors and all. Can you imagine a White House formal dinner with President Hillary in a chartreuse version of that atrocious attire?

Hillary will be devastated to not be the country’s first woman president, or even, as she says, the first grandmother president. There will be no press conferences at the White House where she can say damned near anything and not be questioned on it. She can tell all the untruths or near-truths she wants–no one can really refute such stories of how she came under intense machine gun fire at some campaign stop in Iowa, can they? Press be damned! She was counting on becoming president if only to shove it up their–(let’s not go there!)

Sorry, Hillary, as that song says, “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden.”–even though you feel we owe you one.

Saddest of all, Bill will never have another one last shot at those cute young girl interns in the White House. What’s he going to do with all those cigars he’s stashed? It’s a well-known fact that Hillary hates cigars no matter what they are intended for. Sometimes life just isn’t fair!

The second provision of Ms Kitty’s controversial bill would specify that if you are a closet communist, masquerading as a “socialist,” you are out. Sorry, Bernie Sanders, but such declarations as free college for everyone (“… all public universities should be tuition-free.”), or “No one will fight harder to end institutional racism,” whatever that means, and clarifying that by stating his, “plan calls for a series of police reforms, among them the demilitarization of police forces… ” so that I now I envision our police forces being like England’s “bobbies,” carrying night sticks vice pistols. Won’t the gang bangers love that?

Caving in to that rude, xenophobic mob espousing “Black Lives Matter!”-EXCUSE ME! Don’t all lives matter equally?-just adds suspicion of an individual with an overly progressive character. I can envision, if elected, Sanders bowing to President Obama’s foremost advisor on black issues in the United States, Al “Shakedown” Sharpton, by renaming our home of presidents The “Not-So-White House.”

Sanders’ “On The Issues” thesis, quite beyond liberal to say the least, reads more like Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto” than John Kenneth Galbraith’s “American Capitalism.” In his subsection to the “Racial Justice” segment, “Political Violence/Disenfranchisement,” he complains that, “Thirteen percent of African-American men have lost the right to vote due to felony convictions. This should offend the conscience of every American.” True, felons lose their night to vote, but what offends me, Bernie, is that you don’t blame them for that. Consider this: If they had not committed a felony, they would be welcome at the polls. Make sense?

Furthermore, Bernie, such declarations as, “The current federal minimum wage is starvation pay and must become a living wage. We must increase it to $15 an hour… ” only serves to point up that you know absolutely squat about business, which is what our nation was founded on, and what provides the energy for our continued success. With you in the White House, businesses, large and small, would become more like the state-owned relics of failed communist governments world-wide.

Bernie, the bill just introduced, “Why You Should Damned Well Not Run,” precludes you running for president due to overwhelming evidence beyond rumor that you are most definitely a dyed-in-the-wool socialist, if not a communist at heart. “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!”

I am not going to be able to detail the entire bill being introduced in Congress by Ms Kitty, so I will leave that to you all to study up on. However, there is one proviso I must make public, something so important that the bill should pass on its merit alone.

Every candidate must swear an oath that, if elected President, he or she will never, ever, use the White House to shine the rainbow flag upon in celebration of the gay lifestyle, the gay agenda, or the gay whatever-it-may-be. There shall never, according this section of the bill, be another incidence as repulsive as occurred on Friday evening, June 26, 2015, in celebration of the Supreme Court’s decision in favor of gay marriage, orchestrated and overseen by none other than President Obama who declared the case “… a victory for America.” Was he elevating a perceived social justice issue to our military successes by comparing the gay marriage ruling to WWII or other wars we have proclaimed, once won, “victories,” and celebrated accordingly? Will he announce a national holiday equal to Armistice Day in recognizing the Supreme Court’s declaration of gay marriage? Anything is possible in this president’s final year in office!

Any president may invite a gay, or any number of gays to the White House–hell, he or she can be gay themselves–to party down anytime they want, even Christmas–that gayest time of year, when gaiety and laughter are in the air. However, only by future presidents having taken such an oath can we be assured there is never another “Obama light show” at the nation’s “Home of Presidents!”

As you see, Ms Kitty’s political effectiveness is alive and well. There are a few more things I think should be brought to light, but I’ll save those for Chapter 14. Keep in touch and I will keep you informed of all her accomplishments.

POSTSCRIPT: No article discussing qualifications for president could ever be complete without mentioning Donald Trump. And this method is perfect–he is a postscript to the race. No one expected him to seriously contend, much less zoom to the top of the list.

One of my dear friends read a draft of this article and thanked me for not lambasting his favorite candidate, “The Donald.” I have to admit, DT has ample qualifications on the business side for being a good president, but, my gosh, is he ever lacking in the requisite social and political skills.

Surprisingly, no matter what he says, what gaff he may commit, or what offense he may tender, he gains in popularity. Everyone thought he had buried himself alive when, early on in his campaign, he proclaimed all Mexican illegals to be rapists. His popularity, according to polls, rose in spite of the pundits saying otherwise. He has backed off on that perhaps over-the-line stance on immigration, but he sticks to his guns: “Deport them all!” he told Chuck Todd of MSNBC. Again, he climbed in the ratings. “No anchor baby citizenship!” is another of his clarion calls. His ratings rise in response!

(I totally support that! The 18th Amendment to our Constitution never intended for a woman to sit on the border down in Tijuana waiting for her labor pains to get more intensive, and then speed across to the United States with a day pass to hit the nearest Emergency Room in time to deliver her new instant American citizen, who is immediately enrolled in our Social Security system, qualified for assistance in many government programs, and becomes a prevent-measure to the mother being deported. The term “anchor baby,” considered offensive by some, politically incorrect by others, describes the mother’s status: she is virtually anchored in the United States by having given birth to an instantaneous American. We cannot, by law, deport an American citizen, and who would even suggest deporting the infant’s mother?)

Trump is vehemently against this folly and seeks to close this obvious loophole, if not by a Constitutional amendment, at least by a thorough legal assessment of the intent of this addition to our Constitution–certainly it was not to allow unlimited numbers of “anchor babies,” or whatever you prefer to call them. Trump’s hit a bull’s eye there! Public sentiment sees the irrationality of this ruse, and wants it changed.

Time will tell if “The Donald” hangs in there, or crashes and burns as predicted by Democratic strategists. Unlike others in the presidential contest, I see nothing in Ms Kitty’s “Why You Damned Well Should Not Run” bill precluding Donald Trump from seeking our highest office–unless you consider his hair! Donald, do something with whatever that swab on your head is.

Intrigued, but I am not a fan-yet! However, his ratings, as of this date, are rising ever so steadily.

Major Dennis Copson is a retired United States Marine and is a resident of Oceanside, California. He is a freelance writer and editor. He is a devotee of Robert Frost, cares for Li’l Whiteyboy, an abandoned cat, and otherwise enjoys life.